Hi my name is ............ (withheld by admin)
I am grateful to have found this site. All too often you feel as if your going through this alone and its only you who sees what is happening to your children. I was told over 12months ago by a respected Family Court Writer ( Degrees etc ) that Parental Alienation was a hokis pokis word developed in the States and that it didnt apply to Australians! You can imagine my disappointment etc. I have read many of the stories of mums in pain and can now relate and identify this with some one at least. Do not misunderstand I do have a great mum and partner but sometimes it does get all too much for them and I have all to often found myself quietly dying inside over my two eldest boys. I look forward in reading the success stories in the reversal of pas and this reassures me.
Unfortunately my ex and current wife are totally unaware of their behaviours that this has become common and acceptable behaviours on their behalf and has been imitated by the boys and directed at myself. Hearing the ex and wife carry on the way they do really doesn't bother me. Its when the boys speak to me in the same manner and get rewarded for it just destroys me and takes me days to recover from this. I guess it still shocks me to think how the boys could ever speak to me in this manner considering we were so close.
My ex developed a heart condition 12 months ago, that the new wife told them the boys, that their father would die if he didnt have custody and it started from there. However this wasn't really the case as the property settlement was about to be completed after many years and this was another way to avoid this in raising family issues.
If there is something I can share with others is to never talk new issues with children. My boys came home and informed me that they were moving cause their father was going to die and needed treatment 1200km away. In having this discussion with them I was informed that they would be able to raise themselves whilst there Father and girlfriend at the time would be at the hospital. I casually reminded them whilst laughing with admiration, that they were flat out making their beds let alone cooking cleaning etc for themselves. They turned on me and said that they would do all this for themselves to prove to me that they could go. Being 13 and 11 and the twins 9 at the time, I thought what a wonderful start to everyday chores and I allowed this to happen for one evening where they cooked a basic meal and placed one load in the washing machine all whilst supervised.
Anyway long story short my ex and mainly girlfriend whom couldn't stand us talking to each other about the children creatively manipulated these occurrences and DOCs removed my children as I was now no longer caring for them. Of course the events and time frame were very exaggerated and what really absolutely devastated me was that the boys actively participated in the exaggeration. In an attempt to dismiss he said she said information my partner and another friend whom were at the house verified my statement almost word for word and went totally unheard by DOCS. It was a totally onside affair and at times it would appear that DOCS would even tailor and change statements to validate there statements. I even recorded all of my conversations with DOCS and when I went to challenge this with the authorities of DOCs they too were not interested.
I could do nothing to clear the accusations that were coming at me. At the time only 3 of the boys were vocal in their misallegations apart from one whom did tell the truth. The sad thing about this was my ex and now wife even convinced DOCS that he was intellectually impaired and his statement could not be considered as he has difficult with his speech. It even went as far to "diagnose" him with Aspergers Syndrome because he was favouring me his Mother. I had minimal visits with the children at DOCs department all of which were recorded and on the very first visit the children were relatively warm and friendly and even hugged me and kissed me hello and goodbye. I requested to purchase the children chains with crosses on them to Docs as a gesture to say considering I couldnt look after them that God and his angels would, which was considered a favourable gesture and all within the guidelines of their investigation. The boys were given these chains and my eldest was really excited as he had wanted a cross chain for some time and went back to his fathers with it without a second doubt.
Unfortunately the next visit Ivan threw the chain back at me along with the other two, and I was told that I could not buy them and that they wanted their fathers girlfriend in with them at meetings as they were scared of me. You imagine my shock and although I composed my hurt sincerely asked why the change - DOCs intervened and said that I was emotionally harming the children with that question and the children were removed from the visit. I had challenge Docs to no end then in asking if I didnt know what the problem was how could I fix it? I didnt get a reply and was told that they call the shots and of course I was dealing with a 21 year old whom had no children and of course no idea of what had actually happened. I even got my legal representative in with me to see this situation whom also challenge DOCs to no avail.
In the end the twins ended up repeatedly ( not once but many times ) running away from their fathers with knives to protect themselves before they were returned to my care 3 months later. I was forced to sign another Family Consent Agreement to allow the older boys to move with their father 1200kim or I would lose all four. I did try and challenge this but as I had mentioned to you earlier the Family Court Writer was the one whom stated that PAS was the hoskis pokis word and whom wrote the Family Report to be presented to the Family Court in which I was told by my legal representative that the courts never overturn these reports. As much as I didnt want to I had no choice bar to agree to phone contact time once a week with the older two and school holidays. In the past year I have only spoke to the older two 3 times and its was supervised and coached and all I received was abuse. The twins sometimes get a chance to speak to their brothers but it to is very rare as the wife and her three children always interfer with the conversation.
I was even told by the step children of my ex that they had more right to speak to the twins than I had to speak to my sons. Only two weeks after this agreement I found out via hearsay that my eldest was in hospital. I tried to contact the ex and received no answer and proceeded to ring a number of hospitals and confirmed my fears. After explaining to the Nurse who I was in requesting the condition of my son, I was told that they could not confirm my identity and I was refused any information. The ex still to this day despite many requests refused to informed me despite the Consent Ordes stating so. The many contacts for holidays , Mothers day, birthday Xmas and Easter have all been refused even to the extent that the wife did a runner with the children across the state knowing full well I was travelling 1200 to collect them as per the consent orders.
I have repeatedly told the ex that I had no choice bar to take these matters back to court. The three conversations that I have had with the boys all mention "mum do you think we want to talk to you if you take dad back to court" and they the call is terminated prior to any response I may have. So I have held off for the past 12 months but now feel that I cant allow this to happen any longer to myself and their siblings. As all of this has depleted any savings I am preparing the contravention myself and its so hard to do as you rehash the hurt but I'm getting through this. The ongoing text messages from the wife stating "remember that DOCs removed the children from your care to mine", keeps me going. I used to be focused in having the boys return to my care, but that now gives me fear in whatelse could they do and say to hurt me and I know that I guess like many other stories they will come to an age that they will have to work this out on their own.
Thank you for allowing me to vent somewhat and again I am so grateful for this site as I no longer feel as if I am going mad and being so alone in this process. I do apologise for the length of this but I can now no longer feel like a victim but empowered to continue to do what is right for all my children.