Parental Alienation involves the systematic brainwashing and manipulation of children with the sole purpose of destroying a loving and warm relationship they once shared with a parent.
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The above words represent mental abuse and as fact would have it, both for the Children and the targeted parent alike. The targeted parent whom most do not even consider to be under abuse, is in the opinion of many, also being mentally abused.
Although there are many references and documented evidence to this form of abuse, the perpetrators in most cases seem to go largely unchecked, and it is time we as caring parents did something about it.
The list of guilty include both men and woman.
It has been used as a tool or weapon if you like, to win residency battles, to further financial reward from the split up and in a very high percentage of cases, to simply punish the targeted parent for whatever pathetic reason the perpetrator may have.
False allegations of abuse, including sexual abuse, levelled against the targeted Parent by the perpetrator, seem in many cases to go hand in hand here, again as a tool and again mostly unchecked.
There does not seem to be any recourse under normal circumstances for the targeted and for the damage done to the children, and there certainly does not appear to be procedures in place to arrest the situation on an urgent basis.
If the abuse is allowed to remain, often the targeted and the children's relationship is severed and the children develop behavioural problems in time, as a result.
It is hard to figure out why a parent would subject their siblings to this kind of abuse, as any parent who does is nothing short of a bad and undeserving parent and is in fact a disgrace to parenthood and for those of us who have or are still going through it, we may never know why.
There are many things that we can do to minimise the effects, the most important being to gather ourselves up in such a way that we might be able to make some positive impact on the situation, but there is one thing for sure and that is that if we don't try and go about it the right way, we will not make a difference.
The aim of this gender neutral site is to help those targeted and the children subjected to it, because if we do not help the children then in a way we are abandoning them to the evil ways of the abuser and throwing away any chance of a reasonable relationship as well as allowing the negative aspects of Parental Alienation to have effect on the children's lives.
It must be remembered that it is always better to promote peaceful resolution rather than conflict and this site is for those that find themselves in a position where they have no option but to fight due to the actions and attitudes of the other person.
The founder of this site has been to hell and is on the way back, but accepts that you can never get back totally as there will always be some damage done along the way. The founder also accepts that life will never be the same and has made mistakes largely due to over trusting others, ignorance and being too emotionally involved, that have cost in various ways.
If this site can help you into not making some of the same mistakes that I and others that i have spoken to have, and assist you and your children towards a better outcome, then it will have been all worth while.
I have learnt that the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to follow some very important do's and don'ts that are in part published over various sites, available here on the "you must" and "you must not" pages. Most of these have been learnt by the author in one way or another, but all are very appropriate to the task of helping yourself and your children, please have a look.
The author also believes to be better armed to combat alienation, you first must have a good understanding of what it is. For this, I recommend that you take a look at this UK site, http://www.parental-alienation.info/ you will find literature on many aspects of Parental Alienation.
Now to you ... You must, however hard it is and as much as possible, step outside the emotional circle that you are in, it is very difficult to be able to make correct observations and decisions from within that circle. It is easier to make them looking in from the outside, and you need to be as objective and as accurate as possible, if you are going to make a difference.
The only way you are going to get any change to the situation is through your own effort and commitment, do not expect others to make change unless you initiate and follow through, others will help and support you along the way, but if you back off, so will they.
Many find joining a support group invaluable, but be ever vigilant of gender specific negativity that can exist in some groups, you do not need to be a man or woman hater as this will only poison you and detract from your task.
You need to survive first, you are the most important person to look after in this situation, if you go down you will not be able to help your children. You will need "time out" from the situation and you must take it, do not allow yourself to be completely enveloped by the situation, do not "live it" 24/7 or it may destroy you and any friendships, relationships etc that you may have left.
Generally, people do not want to see or hear you talk about nothing other than your situation all the time, they will tire of it, so don't overly subject them to it or they may avoid you.
If you are innocent of any abuse accusations do not be threatened by them, stand up for yours and the children's rights and for justice.
The below has been quoted from a site that offers counseling on a commercial basis to PA sufferers, it may help to answer some of your questions.
how can a parent do this to a child ?
I see many of you asking this question over and over and I wish there was some simple answer that would make it all go away. I guess I could give some plausible explanations, not that these will make any difference. So here go some scenarios that could be by themselves issues or combined together to make these alienators who they are and why they do what they do.
1) The alienator is so filled with anger, rage and hatred that they cannot see any further past that and their whole entire world is rapped around making sure the other person hurts as much as they do. It is like they are blinded by their anger and hatred.
2) They were raised in a home where one of their parents was an alienator and it is the only thing they know about relationships, that is one person controls everyone and if you do not have control, then you are nothing. So they would not know how to have a relationship any other way nor would they know how to handle it any
other way when they loose control over everyone, because to not be in total control means that you are a looser.
3) The alienator could have such low self-esteem that anyone putting them down or any inference that anything they were involved in was a failure, such as their marriage, would set them off, fighting to defend their honour and reputation. They are so protective of their image, that they will do anything to make sure that they stay looking like the perfect person and destroy everyone else around them to maintain that image.
4) The alienators own parents put them down constantly and told them they would never amount to much and when their own marriage fails, they are desperate to prove their parents were wrong and will do anything to make it look like it was not their fault.
5) The alienator's have warped views of themselves from low self- esteem issues. It puts them in such a fragile state of fear that they are no good unless they are seen as all good.
6) The alienator cannot accept responsibility for their actions and blame them on everyone else because how could they possibly be wrong. Everyone else is wrong.
7) The alienator is so narcissistic in their beliefs that they are never wrong, to protect that image, they must make sure that they are always on top and that it is everyone's problem or fault.
8) The alienator was never taught to take responsibility for their own actions and to be humble when they have made a mistake. They were raised that they could do no wrong, just like their own parent/s could do not wrong and thus it is everyone else who is wrong and so Instead they were raised to blame everyone else for their mistakes.
8) The alienator is so terrified of loosing their children that they have to paint this perfect picture of themselves and make the other person look so bad, to ensure that they do not loose their children and control.
9) The alienator is so terrified that they are not lovable that they force others to love them.
10) The alienator is not a real good sharer. In other words, they do not know how to share love and happiness. Maybe because they had to share their parents and never got to understand that sharing is a good thing and feels really good to do.
I guess I could go on and on. But I really think it boils down to the very first one. They are so filled with hatred, rage and anger that they just cannot move on with their lives. It consumes them to the point that they will do anything to win or get revenge.
